when the mind goes wild

in the hand of Him. And yesterday i was preparing my adiks liqa for tomorrow and untill quite late maybe around 12.30am and i decided today i will qiam abu bkr. so before i slept i performed 2 rakaat of sunat taubat and i was very shame to Allah that i was really have gone deep thinking of negative thought. and i am weak. and i am loss to mydelf. and after that , i slept. and the very day , i lost my purse ( read : my wrong ) because i always left my purse hanging to the motorcycle. and to day is the day. just realised at 3.00pm and i was still calm. and not thinking much. and.... after work then only i was thinking my RM950++ in that purse.. saving for uitm acca and duit takaful , mara.. duit minyak.. IC ( ive just makde new ic which cost me RM110)lesen memandu. and i stilll able to calm myself alhamdulillah , ( its just broke the dam when call my ibu la ) i was thinking , is this how Allah is indicating He is listening , noticing my taubat yesterday ? and to show His Me...

peace be upon to you. today is the...... ( dont know how manys times ) because i've lost the count already. been doing ISK for adik2.. and this time more or less is the same. when me being so loser and so dissappointed with this kind because when we thought we are okay already where we actually not. so shahier dtg harini. and farah will evening and shima also. and also before meeting shima ,  jumpa shahier and she told me about herself and i feel belonged because she just the same with me. faham je lah of what she gone through. She need the support here. yesterday , after , about to pujuk shima because she is about to go the program kolej. and decided to pujuk yg lain jugak lily and syikin jugak. and ash also suddenly nak mintak excuse sebab she worried about her submission. and i was sad. and i was searching for lily and syikin but they not at their room. and that nght they decided not to go. beacuse also the same reason they not yet completing the task and assignm...

so the other day i got some intentions on this because i always see myself to always thinking some stuff.  i mean so many stuff. which include its a good one and bad one. but dont judge me yet. i may looked nice but your deception may deceive you. ( like ever someone noticed you) so , just now i was thinking of something. my mind is keep pictured some photos of this. and i am that kind of state. when i am alone will do some witch ( bukan budak tarbiyyah ) thingy.  and i also crossed in my mind that hows that iman is pushing someone not doing the bad things? aha. good question isn't? im always not the good one , ya Allah. i know. but i always wanted your attention on me. Your love. Your Guidance. and i am sorry of being such servant to you. astaghfirullahalazim. 

peace be upon you. well literally this is nothing just a place where i can write it out anything. so , i am less expecting myself to be committed in this but also im looking forward in gaining something beneficial from this. so yeah. and this is when my mind goes wild.